I’m going to start this with a bit of a disclaimer. I love my husband. He makes me smile, he is my team mate and he gives the best hugs. But, having said that, I don’t believe it is possible to have a fairy tale ending or happily ever after and there are times when I wish he was a cat, or a dog, or a pet rock.
The honest truth is that being in a relationship is hard. Whether you are 15 or 50, having another person in your life who has different thoughts to you, different viewpoints and sometimes different goals is bloody hard! We grow up watching Disney and reading books which are filled with happy endings, but the reality is that life isn’t like that.
When I met my husband, I had no intention at all of ever being in a long-term relationship or getting married again. My first marriage had ended two years before and my divorce had just been finalised. I’d had a series of, quite honestly, disastrous dates with a variety of people (one alcoholic, one with drug issues, one who told me he loved me half-way through the first date etc) and I was just about ready to call it a day and commit myself to owning a houseful of cats instead of a partner.
Then, guess who slid into my Plenty of Fish inbox (I know, so romantic). We started chatting and I was pleasantly surprised to find that he didn’t send the obligatory d*ck pic and that actually he seemed like a semi-sane human being. We started dating, both of us being a little cautious and 6 ½ years later we are married with 6 children between us.
It hasn’t all been plain sailing. There have been times when I have wanted to walk away and I am sure that he has felt the same. He saw me at my worst when I had a breakdown and he had to pick up the pieces. He drives me insane because he isn’t a fan of socialising or conversation in general, whereas I like to spend time with friends and exploring new places; talking constantly. We bicker over wifi, phone usage, the children, where to go on holiday, whether he really needs to spend all day fiddling with something on the car which he said would only take five minutes, time keeping, housework and everything else you can think of. There are moments when I wonder whether it is all worth the effort we both put in.
It’s not all bad though
But then I realised something. If we didn’t have the moments when we wanted to strangle one another, the good times probably wouldn’t feel quite as good. We may occasionally wonder why we are together and regularly argue about pointless things, but neither of us can imagine life apart.
He is the first person I think of when I have something exciting to say. He is the only person I want to see when my depression creeps back in. He willingly took on a very complicated woman and her 4 children when he really didn’t have to and continues to do everything he can to support and be there for all of us. When times are tough, he is the person I run to and when times are good he is the one I want to celebrate with.
I am sure that we will carry on annoying each other for years to come. He will bore me to tears with conversations about cars and guitars while I attempt to kill him with my terrible cooking and appalling housekeeping skills. Neither one of us is perfect, but sometimes it’s better that way. If one of us was perfect, then the other would always feel as though they weren’t good enough. In our case, two wrongs have made a right.
As a child, I might have dreamt of a fairy tale ending with my prince, riding off into the sunset, but the reality is so much better.