The Things Children Say


I was talking to someone on LinkedIn recently and was reminded of some of the strange and, quite honestly, hilarious things that children say. It’s well known that young children especially have no filter. They literally say whatever pops into their heads and don’t worry about how what they say is received. More often than not, these comments are met with humour, although occasionally it can be a bit of a disaster. 

Over the years, my children have come out with some crackers, so I thought I would share my top 5 strange things that my children have said.


My younger daughter told her teacher and all of her friends that she had a secret twin sister who she doesn’t get to see as I sent her away to live in Manchester. After a few weeks of this, her teacher pulled me to one side and asked if it was true. I have to admit, I laughed in the teacher’s face and replied saying that I have 5 children, why would I hide another one?!

I can see the logic

My youngest son told his nursery teachers that I work as a cleaner. His reasoning behind it was that he sees me cleaning his toys away, so I guess he isn’t entirely wrong. 


When my eldest was at primary school, he really struggled. He has a diagnosis of ASD and his school wanted him to conform, which meant a lot of struggling and hundreds of calls home because he wasn’t coping. One day, he was talking to his teaching assistant and told them “me and mummy have a secret, but I’m not allowed to tell you”. Obviously, this was a huge red flag for the school and they did the responsible thing by notifying the authorities. We then went through a 6 week assessment to make sure that nothing untoward was happening at home before being signed off with no concerns. The secret? I had once called a teacher ‘mum’. We had shared secrets on our way home from school one day as he was struggling to explain his feelings after a tough day.

Floor is lava

My youngest son found a novel way of avoiding bedtime one evening by scattering cushions all over the floor. When I told him that it was time to go upstairs and brush his teeth, he told me that he couldn’t because the floor was lava and he didn’t want to melt.

German word order

My eldest daughter is currently studying German GCSE. She is really enjoying it, but it seems to have the side effect of meaning that she has forgotten English word order and will often get mixed up. Recently, she said to me “my foots are see through my sometimes tights”. We are still trying to work out what she meant.

I would love to hear some of the things your children have said. Please do let me know in the comments.

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